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The first complete guide to all POSTAL: Brain Damaged achievements.
This guide was mostly made with beta information, as HYPERSTRANGE were kind enough to give me a free copy of the game around two weeks before release, huge shoutouts to them.
Since I’m writing this a whole week before the release and have all but 2 achievements, if an achievement is altered I can’t check to confirm. If something changes/doesn’t work, or you found an alternate way to obtain one let me know in the comments.
Story
-I AM THE MANAGER
“Kill Karen”
Unmissable
-THE CURE
“Kill the big bad RONA”
Unmissable
-THIRD IMPACT
“Kill Tesloborgelion”
Unmissable
I’ve set all of these as a spoiler since they spoil all 3 bosses
Items
-TAKE THE BLUE PILL
“Use the quick pillz powerup”
-GYMCEL
“Use the steroids powerup”
-RELOADING!
“Use an ammo box”
-I AM CONFUS
“Confuse at least 5 different hostiles with piss”
-IT’S BIGGER WHEN IT’S WARM
“Freeze at least 5 different hostiles with piss”
-HERPES GENITALIS
“Burn at least 5 hostiles with piss”
-DOUBLE THE EXCITEMENT
“Use the akimbo powerup”
-CRACKHEAD
“Use a health pipe”
GOD SAVE THE DUDE
“Use portable armor”
These are all obtained in the same way, find an item and use it. Sometimes you need to kill a couple enemies before it registers
Secrets
-I WANT TO BELIVE
“Find the third installment”
In the level “Sniffing in the VIP area”, you’ll eventually go inside a giant safe. In front of you, you’ll find the game in front of you, but don’t just go up to it. In front of it there’s a trapdoor, and it will activate if you walk on it or jump above it. What you need to do is jump into a hole below the trapdoor, it’s hard to explain so here’s a video.
You can also do a corner jump to avoid triggering the trapdoor which is faster.
-IT’S WEDNESDAY MY DUDES
“Find a certain secret on wednesday, my dude”
Play the game on a Wednesday, load up the level “Bigger on the inside”, and after a piss switch you’ll find a grapple point.
Hook onto it, and stand on the platform below it. Turn around, and you’ll notice that on the left and right there are small corridors with switches inside.
Flip both, and a secret path will open with another grapple point.
Hook up there and interact with the frog.
-IT’S NOT WEDNESDAY MY DUDES
“Find a certain secret not on wednesday”
See the previous achievement, just do it on any day besides Wednesday.
-SECOND AMENDMENT
“Find all weapon codex entries”
-DREAM WITHIN A DREAM, WITHIN A DREAM
“Find all location codex entries”
-TINDER
“Find all enemy codex entries”
To collect a codex entry, find and grab a poster. Each level has several of them, and as of right now there isn’t any guide on where to find all of these. But remember that a lot of them are hidden within very well hidden secrets. As of the beta, these get triggered after the game reads your save when you open the game, so if these don’t trigger restart the game.
Other
-MUSIC SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BEAST
“Kill a certain group of hostiles in the neighbourhood”
In the level “Straight outta suburbia”, find this black house. You’ll know this is the one if the music changes when you go near it. Kill everyone inside.
-WELCOME TO THE COLONY
“Kill a certain group of hostiles in the forest”
In the level “Search for the cure”, find this group of people and kill them all.
-PISSIMIST
“Piss on Tesloborgelion boy parts”
SPOILERS! During the 2nd phase of the final boss fight, grapple the mech’s armor off and piss in its “boy part” area which will instantly destroy that part of the mech.
-NO, U
“Reflect 10 projectiles”
This one is quite simple and you’re probably gonna get it just from playing the game, use your kick to parry 10 enemy projectiles.
-PREMATURE EVACUATOR
“Finish any level below the speedrun threshold”
When you finish a level, you’re given your stats. Simply beat a level faster than the speedrun threshold. I did this on the level “S.I.P.”, using a save that had the guns akimbo powerup. I stood on the boss and fired into it until it was dead, then rushed to the level end trigger.
-TRYHARD
“Get 100% on any of the levels”
Get 100% on a level, I recommend doing this on the level “S.I.P”, as its short, it’s basically impossible to miss any of the enemies, and the only collectibles are two posters that you can very easily find.
-ANTIVAXXER
“Kill the big bad RONA without using the vaccine”
SPOILERS! During the level “S.I.P.”, kill the boss without using the vaccines that you trigger by shooting switches. After a while the boss will start slowly regenerating health so you have to pump damage into it quick, I recommend guns akimbo + minigun.
-PSPSPSPSPS
“Pet a cat”
You can find a lot of cats in the first level, just sneak up to one and press the use key.