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A complete walkthrough of Episode 3: No-Life Matters with all secrets and poster unlocks. Original guides made by AZRA3L.
Fluffy Friends Festival O’ Fun
Poster #1: Fluffy Friends Festival O’ Fun
You will be at the beginning of the level.
There is a line of civilians at a blue ticket booth.
Jump into the window and the poster should be in here.
Secret #1: Penetrator
Make your way throughout the tents until you see a pile of boxes as shown here.
Walk through the path in the boxes and you should see a Penetrator bow.
Poster #2: T-8000
When you see the huge Expo building, go to the left side of it.
You will fight some enemies until you see this pile of boxes.
Walk through the boxes to find a poster of the T-8000 enemy on the wall.
Secret #2: Washroom Pipe
In the same area where you find those boxes near the T-8000 poster, there will be a yellowish manhole opening. Jump down to the sewer area where you will fight groups of enemies.
Proceed through the area until you climb out into the public washroom area where you can piss on a power circuit to free yourself.
Before you exit out the bathroom, go near the wall on the right.
You can walk through this wall here.
Once you cross over to the other washroom, there will be a Health Pipe here as well as the button that unlocks the door.
Poster #3: RPG Table
Make your way back to the Expo building, this time go to the ground floor parking lot.
Be warned that there will be two car enemies and a RPG table waiting for you.
The poster will be right here on the wall.
Poster #4: Storm Pooper
Assuming you gained entry into the Expo building, there will be numerous panels in this building.
Try looking for this panel that advertises Blood West, a game also made by HyperStrange.
The poster will be on the wall.
Secret #3: Postal REDACTED
There is a downstairs restroom area in the Expo building.
Eventually you will make it into a long hallway with potted plants and doors.
Keep an eye out for a sign that has the number 3 in Roman numerical form as shown.
Here you will see the unfortunate Postal game that never existed.
Fun fact: you can piss on it then flush it down the toilet.
Secret #4 / Poster #5: Furry Friend
Eventually you’ll be required to use launch pads to get up into the rafters.
You will need to go through pipes that are littered with Crawlers.
You will drop down into a room with items kept in glass cases and seemingly a lone Illuminati man.
Deal with the situation as you see fit, you will notice three metal doors.
The leftmost door is breakable, you will unlock the secret and find the last poster after you kick it down.
HUGE SHOUTOUT TO Paya for mentioning this secret!
Sniffing In The VIP Area
Poster #1: Illuminati
You will start off in the lobby area with a new enemy that can prove challenging to hit.
There are also a lot of lasers involved, so be very careful when engaging.
After you dealt with the enemies, you’ll be led to the upstairs area with a bar.
The poster will be right behind the bar near the fish tank.
Poster #2: Leon Dusk
Next, you will soon see some sort of audience area that’s gazing at the rocket launching.
Guess who’s in that very rocket and be prepared for a huge group of enemies.
Go up to the window and look at the right side of it, there’s a poster next to some file cabinets.
Poster #3: Sniffing In The VIP Area
I will assume that you entered another lobby area that has a door requiring “Bozo’s DNA”.
You will make your way downwards until you get to a bathroom that drops you down to a sewer.
In the sewers, you need to turn all three wheels to turn on the water so you can reach the ladder above you.
Soon you will climb into a room that has a button that deactivates the electric gate in the hall.
If you look back at where you entered the room from, the poster is right underneath it.
Secret #1: Half Life 3
Afterwards, you’ll walk through the hallway into a bank vault area.
Once you manage to open the vault, you will be rewarded with this majestic scene.
WAIT, it may be tempting but make sure to avoid the obvious trapdoor.
Go around and jump the corner which will cause the secret to be blocked off for now.
Turn around to see the trap door open.
Notice those two openings in the trap door? Well, I’d save here if I were you since this is very missable.
Jump while moving forward towards these openings to get into it.
Make your way through the vents and up the ladder to reach a room with three levers.
Pull all of them to make three buttons appear on the box.
Press the 1st and 3rd buttons to open the door back to the glass case with HL3.
Press the back button and you should be able to retrieve the mythical game.
Watch out for the timed electric gate that is now activated.
Secret #2: Double Akimbo
Go down the trapdoor to reach this pool area.
You will need to make the water rise to reach a shark’s mouth.
It’s done by simply peeing in the pool, simple yet effective.
Next after you are able to enter the shark’s mouth, you will be in the aquarium system.
Once you approach your first fork, take the left path.
It will lead back to the fish tank of a room you previously visited.
Remember this room.
In the fish tank, there’s a hidden button that you need to press.
It is important that you press this button now because once you get out of the fish tank area, you cannot return to this area.
Soon you’ll make it back to the door that required Bozo’s key, but you can go down to the room with the red screen.
A Double Akimbo powerup will be revealed, collect it to get the secret.
Poster #4: Gojira Wanker
Use Bozo’s key to enter his personal room. Play through the area until you retrieve Bozo’s DNA.
A large group of enemies will spawn, so kill them as you see fit.
Once all of them are defeated, a door will open up.
A Farty Pants will be to the right where the poster is located.
Secret #3: Ammo Box
After getting the poster, you will go into a vent back into a room that had a red door.
You’ll see that small crevice up in the silo, we’ll go there in a bit.
Drop down and unlock the red door. Be wary of three Furry Friends in the way.
There is a small vent on the right side of the red door.
Hit to lock to unblock the vent and crouch inside it.
You will reach to a room that has this pink lever. Switching it on will activate the fan in the silo room, causing air to blow upwards.
Return to the room and float upwards into the small crevice that has the Ammo Box.
You will get the secret and a pink lever that deactivates the blowing air.
Bozo’s Race Into Space
Poster #1: Bozo’s Race Into Space
Basically proceed through the beginning of the game as usual until you reach the first zero gravity section. You will be floating around and be able to propel yourself by farting.
You will see a series of timed electric gates.
Carefully propel yourself through until you made it to the end.
Turn around and you will see this poster on a wall.
Secret #1: Suspicious Moonshine
Once you have grabbed the pistol, you’ll make it to an area with four spark engines.
You’ll need to hit a target to deactivate their armor shell for each one. Be wary that destroying an engine will spawn a few death star enemies.
After you have opened the door, look to your left.
There’s a small opening near the top left that you can enter to get the secret.
Rocket ammo, health, and a Suspicious Moonshine powerup are here.
Secret #2: Steroids / Secret #3: Ammo Box
Soon you’ll make your way into a cabin box with a group of enemies.
There should be a few barrels in a room that you need to blow up.
Go down it and you will be in a room with corrosive acid.
Grapple your way to this middle area with steel pillars.
The last steel pillar will have an interactable panel.
A button will appear and you can press it.
A Steroid powerup on a pillar will rise from the acid pool.
Jump onto this pillar and you should see a button that’s on the edge.
Pressing this button will cause an Ammo Box to rise up near the initial button you pressed earlier for the secret.
Who’d knew that there would be two secrets in one?
Poster #2: Pink Eye Tower
Proceed through the level until you get a red key.
You’ll use this on a red door that’s near the kitchen entrance.
Walk through the door and you should see this stairway.
The poster will be on the wall near the start of the stairs.
Poster #3: ♥♥♥♥♥ Blower
Upon reaching the top, you’ll be in a lounge area with enemies all over the place.
Deal with them and drop onto the lower section, you’ll see a small hallway with a blue door.
Ignore the door for now and go left of it to find a red button to press.
This button will activate the grapple rings above the room.
You should see an empty room right across one of the grapple rings.
Grapple towards this room and you should see this poster on the wall.
Secret #4: Health Pipe & Portable Armor
THANKS Icip for sharing this secret!
You will proceed through the level until you get to the section that involves flipping.
Shoot all sequential targets to unlock the door that leads to another cabin area.
Continue to walk through the level until it suddenly gets flipped and zero gravity activates.
You’ll soon see two meteors crash into this section.
Now open the door of the second-to-last cabin and drop down.
You’ll see a crawlspace here, so crawl through and rise up into a secret area.
In one of the rooms that you can drop into, there’s a Health Pipe and Portable Armor.
Drop into it and you should have this secret unlocked.
Poster #4: Dominatrix
Eventually, you’ll make it to the last section of the level that involves electric gates.
I’m sure that this is self-explanatory but you should proceed through this part until you are able to enter this room with the bridge and two pink levers.
Before you pull on the levers, drop down below the bridge.
You should see this poster right underneath the bridge.
Secret #1: Target Door
You are now at the Duskstar, lair of the elusive Leon Dusk.
Continue to play through the level, though be wary as the groups of enemies are tougher here.
Soon you shall come across Leon Dusk’s first monologuing in this room.
Before you grapple up, go around the room and you will see a target under where you were just standing. Shoot it until it’s green as shown in the picture.
Grapple your way onto the next platform, there will be a few elevators and a locked door with four symbols above it. Look above one of the grapple rings, there will be a target far away, so make sure to use an accurate weapon to hit it.
Next, focus your attention on the precariously placed pile of boxes. Jump on them to jump onto the ledge under the futuristic window.
Keep walking on the edge and you should stumble upon this target. Shoot it like the others.
While staying at the same spot, turn around and look upwards. You should see a very high target, shoot it then return back to the door with the symbols above it.
If you have done the task correctly, all the lights above the door will be green which means that you can now enter through it.
There will be an Ammo Box powerup waiting for you in the middle of the room.
Poster #1: Mobile Battle Goober
Next you will fight through hordes of enemies.
I highly advise you to watch out for the Storm Pooper as they can destroy your health quickly.
You’ll make it up to a room with a single Storm Pooper and two circuits that you need to pee on.
On the right side of the entrance, this poster will be on the wall.
Poster #2: Duskstar
Immediately after you piss on both circuits, drop down and take the door on your left.
You should be in this room.
Go to the left side first and you should see this poster on the wall.
Secret #2: Health Pipes
You will eventually make your way into this zero gravity room.
Leon Dusk will say a monologue line as a typical villain.
For this secret, you will need to go straight down.
The room will loop as you continue to descend with your farts.
You’ll need to loop at least 3 times for these 3 lovely Health Pipes to appear at the bottom.
Secret #3: Doom Room
Alright, I recommend you get the Health Pipes secret first because this secret will take far longer to do. The saving grace is that the secret is in the same room and much more entertaining.
Simply just keep going up.
Eventually, a blue screen will appear to dissuade you from doing this repetitive task.
Like in previous Postal games, we can totally disregard the screens’ warning and keep doing it.
ABSOLUTELY NO MATTER WHAT IT SAYS, GO UP.
You will eventually drive it insane as shown here.
Go towards the screen and you shall be teleported into this room.
You’ll collect a Double Akimbo powerup as well as a juicy surprise.
Poster #3: Xeno-♥♥♥♥
Soon, you’ll make it to this room in which you can activate both elevators.
You’ll first want to take the elevator that goes up.
After taking the elevator, you will come across this room with an Illuminati and 4 Lizard Dudes.
There is also a Star Wars easter egg if you want to see it for yourself.
On the room’s rightside near the rightmost Lizard Dude pillar, the poster will be on the wall.
Cruel Dude Thesis
Poster #1: Cruel Dude Thesis / Poster #2: Tesloborgelion
Upon your entry into the level, you will start off in an elevator that will take you downwards.
You’ll stop in a room with all the weapons you’ve come across throughout your brain journey.
There’s a Quick Pillz here too, be sure to get it if you want to make the fight as painless as possible.
If you turn around to look at the elevator that you had just gotten off from, there’s two posters on both of its sides. Don’t forget to grab this before you continue to the fight.
Poster #3: The Other DUDE
This poster is found on the wall that’s right underneath the robot.
However, I recommend you get this immediately after beating the first phase.
You can still get it after you beat the second phase, but it’s better to get it before you forget.
Cruel Dude Thesis Boss Guide
Boss Phase 1: The Other DUDE (Rick Hunter)
Surprise! Turns out Leon Dusk is The Other DUDE who’s been harassing you in your dreams.
You’ll be fighting him personally in the first phase of the boss fight.
You’ll notice that he uses the same mechanics and weapons as The Postal Dude.
The Other Dude’s Attacks:
Sliding & Kicking
Throughout the fight, The Other Dude will keep sliding and jumping.
This makes him an exceptionally tricky enemy to hit.
He will also kick you if you get too close to him. Sorry for the picture.
This attack is very deadly if you stand too close to him or if you stand in front of all those pellets.
The shotgun fires deceptively fast. It doesn’t help that he can slide aggressively towards you and pull off a close shot on you.
Occasionally, The Other Dude will pull out a red machine gun. While the bullets don’t deal a lot of damage themselves, they are fast and very accurate. He will often use it in small bursts after hitting you hard, or just spray it to whittle your health down.
The Other Dude will pull out a rocket launcher and fire rockets at you.
This attack isn’t dangerous if he uses it from afar, the real danger is when he decides to use it pointblank. So far from what I can tell, he doesn’t suffer from self-inflicted damage.
Phase 1 Tips / Cheese The MF
- Unless your aim is quick and precise, I would not count on using slow or precision-based weapons like the rocket launcher or shotgun while he slides all over the place. He’s not dumb enough to stand still and take a shotgun blast from you.
- I’d recommend weapons that can track enemies like the Not-So-Smart Pistol MK420 or especially Gun Goes Brr minigun if you hit the tracker on him. Even the Pu55y Blower can be great if you manage to hit him while your cats can sucked back to you.
- KEEP SLIDING AND MOVING. If The Other Dude keeps sliding and dodging then you can do the same to him. Don’t make yourself an easy target, he is eager to use his shotgun on you at pointblank range.
- Lastly, you can parry his bullets, specifically the shotgun pellets and machine gun bullets. However I recommend against doing this since he can dodge the parried shot. You also leave yourself extremely vulnerable if you parry at all.
If you want to skip this phase almost entirely, remember that Quick Pillz you picked up earlier in the prep room?
You’ll want to use it as soon as The Other Dude jumps in as shown in this picture.
This is your prime opportunity to spam as much bullets into him as you want.
I would personally recommend walking close to him and unleashing a couple pointblank shotgun blasts in his face. This will take off several chunks of his health bar.
You can use any other weapon as well, just make the most of the Quick Pillz powerup as you can.
FYI, you CANNOT use the Double Akimbo powerup while you have the Quick Pillz activated.
Otherwise it will cancel out the slowdown effect and you’ll have a relatively harder time hitting him.
Boss Phase 2: Teslaborgelion
I highly recommend you quicksave at this point because this second phase is very deadly.
So unless you want to enjoy fighting phase 1 again, you should get that third poster and save.
The Other Dude will jump into the Teslaborgelion suit that has been in the background of the arena.
While this boss is much larger and relatively slow compared to phase 1, it does not mean that it’ll be any easier at all.
Anytime the robot jumps or starts to stomp, it’ll emit a shockwave that’ll traverse through the arena.
You can simply jump over these waves to avoid damage. Just be aware that it can stomp right after jumping to create multiple waves.
Sometimes if you’re too far away from the boss, it will start launching rockets up in the air.
The rockets will land in the area indicated by the yellow circles on the ground, usually around your general location. Just move around these circles and you should be good.
The boss will rev up the gatling gun on its right arm before unleashing a bulletstorm of death on you.
This attack will track you and will absolutely kill you fast if a few bullets catch up to you.
It’s a dangerous attack that can end your run quick, so make sure to keep sliding to the side to outrun the bullets.
The boss will stand straight up for a few seconds before crouching down.
It will slide towards you while trying to cut you with its scissor claw.
In my personal opinion, this is its most BS attack. If you’re too close to the robot, it can instantly attack you with this move. Not only that but it hits incredibly hard for a nearly unavoidable move.
The one way I found that you can somehow reliably avoid this attack is by using the three launchpads in the center of the arena to jump over the scissor slide attack. So keep your eye on the boss when it telegraphs this attack otherwise you’ll take significant damage.
Phase 2 Tips
- You should notice that the boss has several grapple rings across its body. Use your Super Hooker Shotgun to grapple those armor parts off.
- Green circuits will be exposed after grappling those pieces off, this is where you deal damage to the boss itself.
- You can rip off armour off of the groin area then piss on it for an achievement. It also takes off a chunk of the boss health quickly, so why not.
- Try to stay near the launchpads at the middle of the arena as it lets you avoid the dangerous scissor attack. However don’t use the launchpads when it starts to rev its gatling gun, it’ll be guaranteed death.
All the work done in this guide was done by AZRA3L. Good luck getting 100%!
Note from AZRA3L: Congratulations, you have beaten the entire Postal: Brain Damaged game!
I thank you all for being on this journey with me.
It’s been an absolute pleasure playing this game, but sadly this is he last guide I’ll be making for this game.
I hope you enjoyed your time playing this great game as well as finding all those secrets. Good luck out there!
More of this sort of thing:
- POSTAL Brain Damaged Episode 2 Walkthrough: Soulless Asylum All Secrets and Posters
- POSTAL Brain Damaged Episode 1 Walkthrough: American Dream Gone Wrong All Secrets and Posters
- POSTAL Brain Damaged Cruel Dude Thesis Walkthrough & Boss Guide
- POSTAL Brain Damaged The Bareback Redemption: All Secrets & Poster Locations
- POSTAL Brain Damaged Straight Outta Suburbia: All Secrets & Poster Locations
- POSTAL Brain Damaged Bozo’s Race Into Space Walkthrough