Are you an incredibly violent thug with few moral principles, limitless greed, and an all consuming passion for violating civil liberties? Pinkerton’s National Detective Agency might be just the place for you!
Pinkerton Agency Guide to Catch a Ripper
WHAT YOU’LL NEED
- One or more freshly murdered corpses
- Conduct becoming of a Pinkerton employee
- Truncheon (Important!)
- 2+ pairs of handcuffs
STEPS
- Get to the murder scene fast before shoe and finger prints decay.
- Evade or neutralize the guards so you can safely examine the corpse (Truncheon and cuffs can come in handy here! Don’t be afraid to kidnap and hogtie those pesky cops if they get in the way of your bounty!)
- Take prints from the victim, prints from the murder weapon, and prints from everything around you. Also get what you can from the victim’s wallet or house to identify them. Computers they left on are great if you check the profile page. Feel free to rob the victim’s wallet for any cash you find! They don’t need it, It’s yours now!
- Grab the victim’s address book and pin a copy to your evidence board.
- Sneak onto the top floor of city hall and break into the enforcer division there. It should be the least traveled enforcer division. I recommend putting your shoulder to work and bashing the door down if nobody’s inside.
- Find an active computer with nobody on it and, one by one, print off the citizen records of everyone in the victim’s notebook violating their civil rights until you find a print that matches the one you found on the weapon. One of the mysterious fingerprints you pinned before should change to show the name of the citizen it matches once this happens.
- 9 times out of 10 you now know the identity of the killer! Feel free to fulfill the optional objectives any way you see fit, such as by grabbing the murder weapon and scanning it to make a copy for pinning to your board. At this point, with the weapon fingerprints tied to their name and photo you already got the bastard either way.
- Go to their house, bash their door down, truncheon the ♥♥♥♥ out of everyone inside until they pass out then handcuff them. Take this moment to gloat while they scream for help and beg you to explain why you’re doing this.
- Rob them of everything they own while making fun of them and occasionally smacking them around.
- Walk down to city hall and turn in your case with whatever evidence you found. That’s it, you’ve done your job and made the Pinkerton National Detective Agency proud! Tomorrow we have a new job for you beating the turds out of a civil rights journalist, but for now you can go down to the local bar and do any good Pinkerton’s favorite thing! Drink 15 cocktails before throwing up on yourself and passing out in a dumpster! Enjoy yourself, old bean, you’ve earned it!
P.S.
If you couldn’t get a match, wait for the killer to strike again and simply repeat the process as many times as needed until the killer slips up. We aren’t being paid to prevent murders after all old bean, we’re paid to catch killers! Time is on our side, you see, because we simply do not give a single flying French ♥♥♥♥ about the lives of the innocent or the fate of any parties involved other than ourselves! Isn’t private industry marvelous?